First Blog

Hello whom ever,

Welcome to my first Blo..Bllloo.. BlloooooGGGGG.. sorry I think it was something I ate.
I am mid way through a life that was not suppose to be, and this will be the observations and memories of that so called life, such as it is, and ...ya..so. The title! Yes the title, it really encapsulates my pre teen and teen years into adult hood. It's just a word don't shoot!
When I was in my twenties my mother  hipped me to the story of how she was ON THE PILL when she got pregnant with me. She had just had my sister in July of '66 and realizing the employment potential of my alcoholic father and the fact they had 5 addresses in the short  year and a half they had been in wedded bliss, she made the conscious decision to take a pharmaceutical to ensure that the little patter of feet was limited to two for awhile. I can imagine as she was swallowing the pill she felt the relief of knowing that she would not have to deal with two kids in diapers, two kids screaming for food and wondering how the hell she was going to feed them.  She was being smart and responsible, she cant afford to feed and cloth one kid much less two and deal with an unemployed drunk. Then the day came when she didn't feel so good, getting sick in the morning, hunger cravings, it can't be she thinks, I'm on THE PILL. Well it says right on the box, not 100% effective in preventing pregnancy.

So then she had to have that talk with my father, and she had to wait until she thought he was sober enough to retain what she was going to tell him, but who knows when that might be. She could wait 9 months before that happened and then show up at the county jail drunk tank, " Oh by the way we had another baby. I would've waited until you sobered up but I thought I might see Jesus come back before that happened so.."
She didn't wait, she told him, and being a father now myself and having a conversation not unlike this one, I imagine I can deduce that I was a " Oh fuck" baby. If you are married and you get pregnant, you kind of expect it, it's a "Oh shit..really?" When you are the second child and you have put in place preventative measures not to get pregnant and you do, it elicits a "Oh fuck!" response.

I caused my poor mother so much stress from day one, but I never asked to be born so it's not my fault, God! I'm set adrift into a world I was not wanted in, and making my way has proved not so easy. I'll paint you the picture of a spring day in central Illinois 1968. My mother sitting at a kitchen table, so small I don't know how you call it a table, she has me in her arms, my sister playing in a pin that is set up in the living room of the house they were renting. A couple of weeks have gone by since my dad left in her car, a 1958 gold Impala, with no word or call about where he was or where he was going. She hears a car pull up outside, hoping it is my father she goes to the door. She is met by a county sheriff, she opens the screen door he thrusts in here face an eviction notice and curtly states" You got 30 days to vacate."  She, in complete anguish, pleads "What am I suppose to do my husband is gone I've got two kids, no money.." The county sheriff spits. "Try paying your bills." He pulls away in his car to go downtown and roust African Americans and shake down the prostitutes for sex and cash. Gee...bitter much?

Wait til you here what happened next...  

As side note, I promise this is not going to be a dark Blog, it gets funnier. 
Fast forward to 2012: I was driving in Minnesota and passed this billboard that read
"Smile your mother was PRO LIFE". My mom was on the pill when she got pregnant with me
I think the only thing she was pro was " I ain't doing that shit again!"